Taylor Swift is so right about you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
