I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So here I am, sexting at work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize