i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
