i may or may not be watching the land before time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
