This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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