i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
