I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
