I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
