you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
