The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
