my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
