This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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