So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
