My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
