Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
