I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
