idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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