All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize