just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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