girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
