I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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