I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
