we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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