One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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