Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
