sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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