Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
