we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
