Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am available for nakedness
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
