Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
