i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
