Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
