see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's like iHOP with fire
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
