Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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