I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
