At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
