R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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