your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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