Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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