Jerry, you need to find god
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
