you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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