Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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