hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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