so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
