im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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