I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
