Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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