So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
