i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
