If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
