hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize