i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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