He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
