i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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