My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
