; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
