i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
