Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
