Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
