If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
