forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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