P.S. I can't hear my feet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
