after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my poor anus
It's rum buckets o'clock
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
