my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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