i permit you to call me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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