we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
