So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
